|Jul. 14th, 2012 @ 11:31 am The Stupidest Ways to Respond to Criticism|
|Criticism is cheap. Especially on the internet, where you can hear "You suck" spoken in every language including Klingon and Dolphin. So let me clarify: I'm not talking about trolling, where pinheads are throwing provocative commentary your way just to see you run to the end of your chain and bark, and I'm not talking about hecklers, the second lowest forms of life next to pedarasts. Nor am I talking about the professional "critics" like that aquarium bottom licker Simon Cowell, whose entire career is built around lying to people to get them on camera and then ripping them apart for the amusement of couch-dwelling mouth breathers across the fruited plain.|
I'm talking about actual criticism, from Joe Average, who has decided to finally tell you either out of annoyance or pity that no, you're not going to be a movie star, jukebox hero, or fashion model. No, you're NOT doing it right, THIS is what you're doing wrong, PLEASE either fix what you're doing wrong or stop doing it. These are the people you intend to be your audience, would-be superstar--- you could at least heed them for a moment.
There are multiple ways to respond to such criticism, the least used one being to listen to it. But, just like Karaoke, there are countless ways you can do it wrong, and make yourself look like an even bigger prat than you did when you first went drunkenly groping for the microphone.
6)"What do you know? You don't do this for a living!"
Uh, no. Sorry. Maybe you missed it, but there are a LOT of things I don't do for a living. Like perform on stage, cook French cuisine, or fly jet airplanes. But it doesn't take a professional to spot an amateur. In fact it often takes a nonprofessional to see clearly what fawning inner-circle members do not--- that you do, in fact, suck.
5)"Why don't you try doing it yourself/contributing something yourself before you criticize?"
See, I was unaware that audience membership required mandatory participation. I didn't come here to apply for a job, I came here to be distracted, amused, informed and/or entertained. You are failing at one or all of the above. Alas for you, that does not shift the burden onto me to improve.
4)"You've already commented on this, why don't you stop repeating yourself?"
Well, because you haven't stopped doing the same mistakes. If you keep drawing all your portraits with the thumbs backwards or the ears missing, If you keep playing off-key, if you keep making 'humorous posts' that are not funny, I'm going to keep commenting on it till you stop doing that.
"Drunken typewriter monkey." And you misspelled 'grammar,' you living insult to human literacy. It's your business if you want to go through life sounding like a LOLcats poster, but don't expect any respect, sympathy or mercy from people who consider you, rightfully, a petulant idiot with a sub-gradeschool education.
2)"Well (group A) likes it, so there!"
And I could not give less of a tinker's damn. If you put something out for public consumption, you are putting it out for consideration and commentary by more than just your friends, your mommy, or your facebook group. What group A likes does absolutely jack squat for the dissatisfaction of group B, "everybody else."
1)"Well I'll just keep making MORE OF THE SAME. So there!"
Congratulations! And I'll keep making more comments about how you're doing it wrong. Everybody wins! Oh, wait, nobody does.
Least of all you, because guaranteed, everyone else will get sick of THAT crap faster than a New York minute. All you've done is proclaim "I will continue to be as bad at this as I am right now, and now I'll do it in BULK!"
Oh, goody for you. You sure showed me.
This is not a fight, nor is it a contest to see who can produce the most copious pile of turds. It's a person criticizing a bad performance. Improve, or perish.