For those who are still interested in my dabblings in the writing arts, the Sanguine Chronicles is available on fictionpress.com. I'm up to chapter 13 now.... Follow da linky to chapter 1!
I'm really enjoying it too and agree that it is as good if not better than similar teen fiction I have read. Any thoughts on publishing a dead tree version when you are done? I'd buy a copy to go along with the copy I have of 'under the lemon tree' -LTU
Um, werewolf/vampire hybrid, protagonist flirting with Gary Stu status (only slightly - it's nigh-unavoidable anyway, and he's got plenty of flaws), 'product placement' (not for advertising purposes, but merely to relate to the reader), high schooler setting, "smallville"... mostly small stuff, and you covered most of it pretty well with spotlighting.
Mind, I'm not saying they're problematic... far from it. Your story works better because of it. Cliches' aren't necessarily a bad thing, and you use them brilliantly.
I was trying to praise, not criticize. Don't change a thing. I'm pretty sure it would ruin it.
Oh for crying out loud. just precisely WHAT makes him "Gary Stu" material? "Has powers? Can do more in a crisis than a normal person can?" is that the new definition of Gary Stu?
The "Smallville" setting is due to the fact that 99.44% of all towns in the world ARE small towns. This may come as an immense shock to the ever-so-cosmopolitan people living in New York and LA, but "The Real World" doesn't begin and end at the city limits. The cities are in fact a teeny, tiny dot on the face of the earth, and their importance in the grand scheme of civilization and society is grossly exaggerated.
The only thing that inclined me to say he was flirting with "Gary Stu" was that he was the "highschool beefcake" and didn't know it. It doesn't make him one, it's just a typical feature.
It's incredibly minor, and as I said, I wasn't criticizing you for it, but trying to praise your skilled use of it. The story calls for it. Most writers can't pull it off nearly so well.
The "Smallville" thing works precisely because it's realistic. It became a cliche'- sorry, trope because it's realistic. I wasn't trying to say it was bad; I live in a "Smallville".
Now, I realize that in my effort to simply offer a compliment, I may have rolled a critical fumble and managed to trip over my own tongue, misusing words, and somehow make it insulting. For that I apologize.
It would help if your skin wasn't paper-thin, though. I may have the social grace of a poo-flinging monkey, but you didn't have to bite my head off.
I only wanted to say that I was very, very impressed by a skillfully written story, and hoped to encourage it to continue.
So... I'd be grateful if you could just forget I said anything, and move on. This exchange is making me feel decidedly stupid for opening my figurative mouth.
Vampires in the setting: Strengths: Telekinesis, hypnotic illusions, mental control of animals, partial transformation, fast healing Weaknesses: Sunlight impairs powers, OCD that varies from vamp to vamp, silver allergy.
Werewolves " ": Strengths: Super strength, fangs, claws, in transformed state. Fast healing Weaknesses: Tied to phases of the moon, silver allergy.
Marko: Strengths: Telekinesis, transformation into winged werewolf, fast healing. Weaknesses: OCD, silver allergy, mental powers impaired by sunlight, transformation tied to moon. Miscellaneous: After fighting Aconite I think he might be weaker than a full werewolf.
So, not all the powers of both creatures, but nearly all the weaknesses of both, I'd say that's fairly balanced, if this were an RPG.
You forgot "manic depressive" (werewolf) and "loss of intelligence at height of full moon"(werewolf)
Werewolves can transform when it isn't the full moon. It's just that the full moon is the irresistible trigger. they HAVE to change when the full moon is up.
I think he meant "tropes", as opposed to "cliches", since a cliche, by definition, is a negative connotation.
I think he must have meant trope at any rate, if he's saying the story "works with them"; since the only works that truly benefit from cliches are satirical pieces...
Regardless of funding disappointment, you should keep writing Sanguine. Put up an e-book somewhere and spread links. You might not make a fortune, but you'll definitely get noticed.
Remember Heinlein's Rules for Writing:
1. You must write. 2. You must finish what you write. 3. You must refrain from rewriting, except to editorial order. 4. You must put the work on the market. 5. You must keep the work on the market until it is sold.
Point 4 and 5 are easy with e-books. Mind points 1 and 2.
rhjunior
You've got a real gift for writing believable characters, and thoroughly fleshing out the rules of the world you create.
So regardless of the rampant cliches' in the story, I still have to laud it as excellently written.
Did I mention incredibly entertaining? Yeah, that too.
Looking forward to more updates - I hope!
-Kire Du'Hai
Mind, I'm not saying they're problematic... far from it. Your story works better because of it. Cliches' aren't necessarily a bad thing, and you use them brilliantly.
I was trying to praise, not criticize. Don't change a thing. I'm pretty sure it would ruin it.
-Kire Du'Hai
Oh for crying out loud. just precisely WHAT makes him "Gary Stu" material?
"Has powers? Can do more in a crisis than a normal person can?" is that the new definition of Gary Stu?
The "Smallville" setting is due to the fact that 99.44% of all towns in the world ARE small towns. This may come as an immense shock to the ever-so-cosmopolitan people living in New York and LA, but "The Real World" doesn't begin and end at the city limits. The cities are in fact a teeny, tiny dot on the face of the earth, and their importance in the grand scheme of civilization and society is grossly exaggerated.
(facepalm)
The only thing that inclined me to say he was flirting with "Gary Stu" was that he was the "highschool beefcake" and didn't know it. It doesn't make him one, it's just a typical feature.
It's incredibly minor, and as I said, I wasn't criticizing you for it, but trying to praise your skilled use of it. The story calls for it. Most writers can't pull it off nearly so well.
The "Smallville" thing works precisely because it's realistic. It became a cliche'- sorry, trope because it's realistic. I wasn't trying to say it was bad; I live in a "Smallville".
Now, I realize that in my effort to simply offer a compliment, I may have rolled a critical fumble and managed to trip over my own tongue, misusing words, and somehow make it insulting. For that I apologize.
It would help if your skin wasn't paper-thin, though. I may have the social grace of a poo-flinging monkey, but you didn't have to bite my head off.
I only wanted to say that I was very, very impressed by a skillfully written story, and hoped to encourage it to continue.
So... I'd be grateful if you could just forget I said anything, and move on. This exchange is making me feel decidedly stupid for opening my figurative mouth.
-Kire Du'Hai
Edited at 2012-07-14 06:41 am (UTC)
Vampires in the setting:
Strengths: Telekinesis, hypnotic illusions, mental control of animals, partial transformation, fast healing
Weaknesses: Sunlight impairs powers, OCD that varies from vamp to vamp, silver allergy.
Werewolves " ":
Strengths: Super strength, fangs, claws, in transformed state. Fast healing
Weaknesses: Tied to phases of the moon, silver allergy.
Marko:
Strengths: Telekinesis, transformation into winged werewolf, fast healing.
Weaknesses: OCD, silver allergy, mental powers impaired by sunlight, transformation tied to moon.
Miscellaneous: After fighting Aconite I think he might be weaker than a full werewolf.
So, not all the powers of both creatures, but nearly all the weaknesses of both, I'd say that's fairly balanced, if this were an RPG.
Werewolves can transform when it isn't the full moon. It's just that the full moon is the irresistible trigger. they HAVE to change when the full moon is up.
I think he must have meant trope at any rate, if he's saying the story "works with them"; since the only works that truly benefit from cliches are satirical pieces...
My mistake.
-Kire Du'Hai
And knowing is half the battle.
Heinlein's Rule: Keep writing
Regardless of funding disappointment, you should keep writing Sanguine. Put up an e-book somewhere and spread links. You might not make a fortune, but you'll definitely get noticed.
Remember Heinlein's Rules for Writing:
1. You must write.
2. You must finish what you write.
3. You must refrain from rewriting, except to editorial order.
4. You must put the work on the market.
5. You must keep the work on the market until it is sold.
Point 4 and 5 are easy with e-books. Mind points 1 and 2.
Re: Heinlein's Rule: Keep writing